Overcoming your negative feelings:
Step 1. Get away and calm yourself - When we're in the middle of a lot of negative feelings, we're so overwhelmed by them, and the situation causing them that it's difficult to have any perspective. We need to get away and calm ourselves. In everyday life that may simply mean going to another room, taking a walk alone, or finding a spot to sit and think.
Many women have difficulty getting their heads clear if they are around other people. So if you are a married woman and/or have children and have been plagued by negative feelings for a while, you might need to get away by yourself or with a friend. (Maybe take a weekend away to one of those favorite places you identified) Yes, you can do it. And it is healthy for you to do it, think of these words as if they were a doctor's prescription.
Step 2. Become aware of, identity and describe your feelings - According to
William James: "Observing our own feelings can tell us much about our
mental life." When you're feeling bad, sometimes you get so caught up in
those bad feelings that it seems impossible to figure out what they
are. Ask yourself these two questions and then write down the answers:
- What or how am I feeling right now?
- When did I start feeling bad?
Most of us were not taught by our parents how to name our feelings quite
the contrary, daughters were told that we shouldn't or didn't have the
negative feelings we were experiencing. So many women have difficulty
putting names to what they feel. By naming your feelings, you open the
door to more accurately diagnosing why you feel the way you do.
Step 3. Figure out what your feelings are trying to communicate - Sometimes
our negative feelings send out small signals telling us that something
awry. Other times the signal is much louder and warns us that we are in a
real emotional or physical danger. Sometimes our negative feelings are false alarms, the source of which is often the same cognitive distortions and specious belief systems that pollute our negative thinking. Different from thoughts, though, our feelings come as vague, amorphous, coded messages that often need to be deciphered before we can do anything with them.
Step 4. Ask yourself if you want to express your feelings - As we have
already seen, there are many nonproductive ways of addressing negative
emotions. Certainly complaining, blaming, lecturing, accusing and
attacking another person are among the least fruitful. These actions predictably exacerbate and complicate whatever is going on. But deciding to talk with someone about your feelings can be an effective move. As I have noted, this does not mean letting it all hang out.
Step 5. Ask yourself, what actions can I take? - As with so many of these
suggestions I have made, the best way to deal with a problem is to
become active, not to sit back and wait for it to become solved by
others of fate.
Step 6. Take the action - Remember what's important, get clear about your
goals, break your goals into sub-goals including dealing with barriers,
then create a "to do" list with due dates attached.
Step 7. Reward your positive thoughts and actions - Don't forget to
acknowledge and reward your positive thoughts and actions. Why? Because
you're more likely to continue thinking and acting positively if you do.
